Little Cuties in Newport

I have a thing about little girls and little white dresses. We own seven or so for Brooke and Grace. They wear them all the time in the summer. This one even Anne wore. They will never go out of style. This one could have been worn 75 years ago and will be in style in 75 more from now. This big grin was right after Brooke threw handfuls of sand into the water. The splash made her giggle every time. I can't believe my baby is so big! Stop growing up already.




It was so fun to take these pictures of my Grace and her cousin Catherine (both 3 yrs.)! We just spent a week with them at the beach. At any given moment you could catch adorable moments like these. They were a pure joy to behold. I couldn't get enough of them. When we would go on walks they smiled, waved and yelled "HELLO!" to all the passersby. We got to know some of our neighbors because of our friendly toddlers. I kept thinking they are so heavenly.......what will they be like when they are 13? I got some cute pictures but I can't tell you how many priceless expressions and moments I missed!!!!!!!!! I need a faster camera.

Trek 2008

I put together a DVD for the kids in my trek family. I brought my old beat up little camera and had it in my pocket so the picture quality is terrible. I really just wanted to go and experience it without taking tons of pictures. Kind of sad now but it was nice to not be so distracted then. That is always a dilemma isn't it? The Stake had people all along the trail just to take photos and video so I am sure the DVD from them will be great. So anyway this one is something to remember our own family by.

We did not know anyone in our family and had not met them before we were assigned right there at the start of the trek. We loved these kids and leaders right off the bat. There was so much love and support during the whole experience.

I did not capture any photos of the difficulty of the womens pull or rocky ridge because I was pulling too. It is hard to describe the emotions felt working so hard and being so tired and knowing that what you are experiencing is nothing compared to what the saints had to endure. Rocky Ridge was a very emotional/spiritual experience for me. I had read so many stories in preparation for the trek. My heart overflowed with love and admiration for those people who really did Rocky Ridge. So many died, women pulled their sick husbands, carried their babies, and then buried them, they were starving, they were freezing, many did not have shoes and lost their toes or feet. They left their comfortable lives in England and other places to come to Zion. They were on a ship for 6 weeks and then a train before they started with their handcarts. I was in awe of one women who came with her five children alone because her husband died in England and it was their goal as a family to come to Zion. She did not give up on their dream. She carried her four year old son across a frozen river and they were caught up in the current, people watching yelled to her to let go of her son and save herself. She never let go of him and made it to the other side. she climbed out of the river and raised her hand to the square and testified of the power of Jesus Christ. They all survived barely. There are so many stories. Their names and stories kept going through my mind during our climb. The winds were blowing so hard that we couldn't even hear each others words of encouragement while climbing the steepest part. It was kind of nice because I was just so caught up in my moment there on the hill. The tears just kept flowing. It was a moment I will never forget, very humbling, very inspiring. It has been nice to remember all I that I felt there on the trail. It already has been something that I can look back on and gain strength from in my daily life.

Old Draft but thought I should post it anyway!

I disappeared I know. For many reasons I have not been blogging lately.

I could not sign on to my account, so I couldn't post or comment. I don't know what happened or if it will happen again. My life seems to be going too fast, it is racing along and I can barely hold on. I have a babysitter at least once but more often 2 and 3 times a week so I can work on the new house and I feel like I am always apologizing for my messy house to the sitter.
"I am so sorry but this morning we were finishing up the Trifold project, and making flashcards for the spelling test, and I ran out of milk and bread and diapers, so I had to go to the store, and I drove to the wrong school because I was talking to the builder while driving and forgot which kid I was driving...... and blah blah blah.... so sorry its a mess gotta go!"

I am ALWAYS rushing to the next thing. When I do slow down and focus on one thing... BAD things happen. Just the other day I was getting Anne ready for dance pictures and I totally ignored the two little ones. Getting ready is more involved than I would like. Make up to do, Hair to do, find all of the little pieces to each costume, fill out form and all of that stuff. We walk down stairs to get in the car at 9:25 and pictures are at 9:30 and Grace and Brooke are covered in black and blue sharpie marker. Faces, arms, legs, each fingernail and toenail, even both of their belly buttons. They also got to the wood stair rail. I took a deep breathe and called the baby sitter who was coming later in the day and woke her up. "Hey funny story...... how fast can you get here? " She came fast so I didn't have to take my sharpie covered little ones to the dance studio. I really almost had to go out in public like that. I was proud that I didn't cry or even yell.

Today I was getting dressed and I found Grace making a "cake" on my bed. We are going on the Trek for our stake and I have been grouping my supplies in the corner of my bedroom. Well, I thought I had covered any tempting items or had them up high. But I guess I didn't do a very good job. Grace was mixing her salt cake and other items together right on my bed. I know this is all normal 1 year old and 3 year behavior but I guess I just feel like I haven't figured out how to be productive and watch them at the same time. It is be productive and repair damage after or just get on the floor and play with them. That is what I would rather do.

I really wish I could be better prepared for my life each morning which would mean that I would have to get ready the night before or wake up earlier but I already go to bed at midnight and I wake up at 6. I know many of you keep those hours too but I just cant get up any earlier and I feel like I shouldn't stay up any later.

..........This was a while ago but I still want to remember the times like these so I am putting it on anyway.

March Birthday Girls!

My early birthday dinner. We took the two big kids on a quick ski trip. Here we are at my favorite Restaurant in Salt Lake The Dodo. It is an old college favorite of mine. It is now at the Gateway. If you go...... you have to get the smoked turkey sandwich and toll house pie (warmed up of course). I LOVE this place!
Anne's 10th birthday. How did ten years go by so fast? We had a fun party with skits, the fire pit, and some HS musical karaoke.
Happy 3rd Birthday Gracie Girl. We had a Dora Birthday party with her playgroup.

I was in SLC on my Birthday and was sooooo lucky to get to reunite with some wonderful college friends. From Left to right (Jodi, Rachael, me, and my friend the other Caroline) We had a great time watching our kids run around and catching up. Thank you friends for the party!

We are going on the TREK!

Paul and I have been called to be a MA and PA on our Stake's youth TREK. I have been so excited about this for months. I asked for hiking boots for Christmas. I have purchased my pioneer material and now I need to make my dresses. I pulled off all of my fake nails, I want to really feel like a pioneer woman you know and the nails would just seem wrong. I have been wanting to take them off for awhile anyway. I have so much to do to get ready and it is hard to carve out time to do all of these extra things. March is a crazy month at our house 3 birthdays, an anniversary and spring break, and this year Easter. Fun times!

Anyway I am a little nervous about how hard it will be but I have heard it is an amazing experience. I need to get in gear to be prepared.

She Did It!

When the Bishop called and asked Anne to play in church I told him he would have to talk to her. I knew that if this was my idea that she could use this as an excuse to not practice or chicken out . If she was nervous or didn't want to practice I wanted this to be her deal. Well, she told the Bishop she would do it. She practiced so hard for 4 weeks to learn a new song. We prayed a lot for her to be prepared. I had never heard Anne play the song perfect before the meeting. Each time she played she had a couple of mistakes. I kept reassuring her that it was great and even if she had a couple of mess ups we would be so proud of her for sharing her talent. I was so nervous for Anne to play in Sacrament Meeting I could hardly watch! I just didn't want her to get so nervous and forget everything and freeze up there. When I was 9 I don't think I would have agreed to this. Why do we as parents worry so much? I just wanted her to feel ok.

She walked right up there and did her thing................perfectly, not one mistake. She had never played it perfect before and she still can't play it perfect now. It was a little miracle. Boy am I glad that is over!

Photo Shoot

Thank you Shawni for doing such a great job! We love the pictures, your editing is awesome.

Paul Loves Flowers

Paul loves flowers. He was so excited to use tulips this year. We had them in our refridgerator for six weeks before he could plant them. I hear that they don't last long so I had to take a picture. Here is the before picture.
Paul spends a lot of time in the yard planting his flowers. Unfortunately for Paul Grace loves to pick all of his flowers. How do you get mad at your two year with fists full of flowers and full of excitment saying "Mommy I love you so much, I picked some flowers for you"This is the after picture, meaning after Grace got to them.

Wuke, I am your Father!

Grace always keeps us laughing. Sam has taught her how to fight with the light sabers. They do a scene from Star Wars that is so funny.

Things that make me smile

I love that Paul will spend 10 minutes straight trying to make the biggest bubble for Gracie to pop in the tub.
I love watching cousins build a fort so they can cuddle up and watch a movie together.
I love when my almost 10 year who I think sometimes has no free time gets to play with Legos for 3 three hours. She came up with the coolest bouquet of flowers that I didn't get a picture of.
I love watching babies learn how to give kisses.
Saturday morning jobs. They are actually helping get all of the laundry into the laundry room. It takes them 10 times longer but they do get the job done and they always have fun throwing it down.
I love seeing my kids work together. Hard to get that to happen.

I just had to document this sight so I won't forget it. Sam has been asking for a gameboy or DS since he was five and we held off. He is so excited to get one finally. It hasn't been as bad as I thought. I can actually get a lot of good behavior out of him by taking away this privilege.I love my little girls bedhead in the morning. We always take pictures when our kids look perfect which are so fun and nice to remember. I just wanted to make sure I had one of these. Sometimes we just cuddle up after the big kids go to school and watch some Dora and hang out together. I don't want to ever forget images like this.


I am feeling lately that I want to document all the chaos and just embrace it. We have all heard the poem about little fingerprints......how we are constantly cleaning them up and it will actually be sad when they are not around anymore. I am trying to remind myself of this. I know it will be so weird to clean the house and actually have it stay clean. It will be so weird to have a quiet house someday. I really can't imagine that right now and that is OK! I am not ready for that for a long time. I will just have to continue to find quiet moments in the middle of the night and in the wee hours of the morning. I will have to continue to communicate with my husband via text messages and email because we can't hear each other at the dinner table or any where else in the house til the kids are in bed.

I have a few other images of our ordinary, unorganized family life that I need to capture so brace yourself. If I video taped our typical dinnertime....... wow that would be interesting. Lets just say clothing is optional lately. Maybe I need to crack down on that now that I mention it. Oh well, it is getting late. I always share more dirty laundry(literally tonight) than I intended to when it is late. So off I go.

Anne is Getting Ready!

Anne is practicing hard to play in church in a couple of weeks. She is almost ready. We beg her to play for us all of the time. We love to hear her practice.

Happy First Birthday Brooke!

We ate some cupcakes, had the grandparents over, and sang to our little Brookie! It was a wonderful night.

Suns Game, CA trip, and Science Fair

Grace and Brooke and I went on a little trip over the weekend to CA. We had a great time.
We did a little early Birthday shopping for Gracie at the American Girl store.Anne is the one in the back. She is loving the SAS Dance Team! I have very mixed feelings about the whole experience. That is a whole series of posts. Anyway I am trying to just let her enjoy this opportunity. The SUNS game was awesome I have to admit!
We had so much fun last night going to the SUNS game. Anne's dance team performed. I have never been to a game before, I could really hooked. I haven't had so much fun in a long time. What a great game. Nash is amazing.
Congrats to Anne and Audrey for winning first place in the science fair.

I Am So Sad

Last weekend a childhood friend of mine passed away. He left behind 3 small children. Although I did not stay in close contact with him in the past 15 years, I have fond high school memories of him. We were in the same ward for many years. He had warm and inviting personality and a great smile. We hung out in seminary and at many youth activities. I am sad that his life was cut short. I can't stop thinking about his parents, and his children. I am so sad.
Paul and I have experienced losing many people near and dear to us. We both have lost best friends one age 30 and one age 29 and Paul's Mom. With the passing of another friend the pain of losing those others feels new again. I miss our friends and family that are not here. I hurt all over again. I hurt for their children. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for all of us. I do not understand it sometimes but I know that he loves us and that everything will be ok.

We do not know what the future holds for us. Every day really could be our last. I want to be a better mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter, and person in general. So anyway in addition to expressing my sadness I also want to express my gratitude for every day that I still have to love those around me as much as I can.

A Few Scattered Thoughts

I can't believe that my baby is turning one this week. I usually get rid of the bottle but I am not ready for that. I need her to still be my baby. It is interesting to me that I pushed Anne and Sam so hard to get to the next level in everything. I wanted them to read before kindergarten and Anne was potty trained at 2, she walked fast, etc. etc. I signed her up for soccer when she was 3 ( funny that most children on a 3 year old soccer team are the oldest in their family). The parents are so excited that their child can play sports so off they go. Both parents attended every practice.
Here is a picture DURING her game. Anne chased butterflies and lead the team in ring around the rosies. It was so cute. But I don't plan on putting any more of my kids on 3 year old soccer teams. There are lots of years for that.

I have 4 children ages 10, 7 and then a big space ....an almost 3 year old and 1. I am finding that with the younger two I don't want them to grow up at all. Grace is pretty much begging to be potty trained. I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't know if I just don't want to stay home long enough to do it or if I just want my babies to stay babies. Grace and Brooke run around in their diapers a lot of the morning and I just love the sight. They are so fluffy and soft and cute. I took this picture with my cell phone. I was talking with our designer and trying to look at our plans. If our new house has a lot of mistakes it might be because of the following.

1. I can't think straight with kids climbing all over me and many decisions are being made that way.
2. I can't focus when it is loud. It is always loud.
3. I am naturally a little ADD. I have a hard time staying on task.
Anyway I hope I don't screw things up too much.

Here is a picture of Anne around Valentine's Day she was almost 1. I used to dress her up for the different Holidays and get her picture taken. I can't imagine doing that with Grace or Brooke now.
When Anne was starting to walk I swear I felt like her personal trainer. We would work on it together every day. It was so fun to see her walk. I would cheer her on and encourage her. With Brooke, although I encourage her and cheer her on, inside I am actually sad. I want to carry her everywhere. I don't want her to stop being a baby.

When Sam wasn't reading like Anne at four years old I visited all of the preschool programs in the area and ended up paying a lot of money to send him to a private school. (Here is a picture when Paul came to the fancy preschool to teach about how to brush your teeth etc.) He learned soooooo much but I think it did a little damage to his free spirit and the love of learning he had before. Live and learn. With Grace I want to send her to a preschool in someones home with the neighborhood kids. I am so much more relaxed about it all. Am I not being fair? Maybe Grace would love to learn spanish when she is 3 years old. The private school curriculum is amazing. Should you challenge your kids and push them to learn as much as they can as fast as they can or do you just let them be a kid for as long as they can. I want to prepare them to be successful and have the same chance as the next kid. But it all goes by so fast, I just don't want them to have to grow up so fast.

I feel like these younger two really have a different Mother than the first two at the same stage. I hope it is a better Mother but somedays I am not so sure. For the most part I feel like I have relaxed a lot in a good way. Everything is NOT perfect and that is OK. Every now and then I wonder if I have let too much go and that they are not as lucky as the first two. Will I really want to make another Halloweeen costume like I did for Anne this year? Will I want to be girl scout leader for the younger two? What if I don't want to? What if I am too old and tired? I hope I can give them all they need when it is their turn. I have even thought it is good they are so young maybe they won't remember that I used to make Halloween costumes or do girl scouts. Isn't that sad? How do parents do it with six and more kids?

I am learning as I go but am I screwing up the first two or the second two? I am totally doing things differently. Will everyone be OK?


So this is a little different post for me. I don't usually share my random thoughts. It feels a little scary actually but some of my favorites posts to read from you all out there are about your thoughts and feelings. So any way I thought I would be brave and share a little of what goes on in my mind in my insecure moments.

Highlights from the last few months

The favorite Christmas present of all! A big cardboard box! Welcome to Grace's Place.
The kids have played in the backyard for hours since Christmas day designing and painting. It is so fun to watch them work together and play. I love having free time, truly FREE. I have my kids doing so much during the school week it makes me sad that they don't have more time to just play and be a kid. My big kids enjoyed this project every bit as much as Grace. Ironic that after all of the money and effort spent into picking out perfect presents to put under the tree that they really enjoyed this the most. Kids really love the simple pleasures in life.



Hard at work on her house.
Brooke's first Christmas
Anne and I went to the temple lights and listened to the Mesa Harp Ensemble. It was a fun girls night out.
Sam was so stressed out waiting in line to meet Santa. He was about to cry and told me "Mom I think I might be on the naughty list." I reassured him that he was a good boy and all went well.
Another girls night. My parents took Anne and I to see Annie. It was darling and so fun to watch Anne loving every minute of it.
The Christmas card photo shoot. It was a little crazy.
On our way to church the Sunday before Christmas.

Grace the sheperd riding her sheep.
A very loud rendition of the nativity. It was so cute though.
Grace was right at my side every time I made pies or rolls. She loves to wear her apron and be a helper.
Our thankful turkey. All of the grandkids had fun making their feathers.
Brooke on Thanksgiving.
We have finally started construction on our new house. It is so interesting to watch the progress.
Gracie is still very much a Daddy's girl.